my accident

so saturday was not the best day. i went to go to walmart and missed the entrance so i went to the next parking lot and blacked out (which we feel is from my sugar dropping real low) and hit a cement based light pole. because of my seatbelt not catching due to my husbands codriver getting rear ended the week before and breaking it, i hit the steering wheel very hard and starting to have problems breathing because of the pain. i was taken to the er and after spending 8 hours there they wanted me to come back sunday (easter) and do a catscan. they wanted to rule out a possible bloodclot which could have explained the blacking out. well i went back and had to be given medicine through iv to calm the pain down and finally was able to do the scan. it is very hard for me to lay on my back because of the pain and because the pain takes my breathe away. so they found i didnt have a bloodcot but i do have 5 fractured ribs (3 on the left and 2 on the right). THAT TOTALLY EXPLAINS THE EXCRUTIATING PAIN!!!!! so now i have to rest and limit my activity because i hurt so bad and i need them to heal pretty fast. hopefully it will heal quickly. as far as my tahoe im not sure it will be fixable. :-( i will keep my fingers crossed.

Life keeps going

So it has been awhile and alot has gone on. I have gotten doctor orders that I can be weight baring on my leg. WOOOOHOOOO!!! I started PT 3 times a week and love the girls I work with there. I have been working real hard at getting stronger but have had a few obstacles in the way. Tom has been busy with work. He has been working his butt off and it seems like for nothing at times. He has gotten sooo discouraged but he is still hanging in there. He is out west right now solo because his trainee is home for his grandmothers funeral.
So in February, my grandpa started to tell us how he was having severe pain in his left arm and shoulder to the point where he couldnt stand it. He went to the doctor and they ordered an MRI on a Friday afternoon and later that night his doctor called and said you need to meet me in the hospital to be admitted tomorrow morning. He didnt complain because it was for more testing. He just was having a real hard time with the pain so he didnt really complain. On Saturday after being admitted the doctors told him they found 6 tumors on his vertebre that were cancer and one of them was up near a spot in his neck where it could cause paralasis. They immediately started radiation that day. They ran more tests and found that he had a total of 7 tumors on his vertebre and he had spots on his lung and liver. After being in the hospital for a week and being on radiation everyday they found he had Stage 4 cancer. It was spreading so fast in his body that it was incurable. It ended up in his Lungs, liver, sternum, vertebre and was spreading like wildfire. He went home and the doctors gave him 6 months to live and provided hospice to come in and help control the pain. He continued to do radiation once he got home for about a week and he was so confused and week it was very hard for the family to watch this. He was in constant pain and the meds would just confuse him and make him sleep. On Monday March 9th he went for his radiation treatment and because he had developed a cold they gave him a breathing treatment. He was having a real hard time so my grandma slept with him in the livingroom that night. She woke up about 5:30 or so and noticed he was breathing really heavy. She patted him to get him to wake up and he opened his eyes and tried to say something but she couldnt understand him. She went to get my uncle and aunt and when they got back into the livingroom he was breathing really really slow and then just stopped breathing. It was very hard to hear of his passing for many reasons but like my grandma keeps saying atleast he isnt suffering anymore. I was able to fly up to NY and be there with my family because of a very special friend helping with my ticket. Im very lucky my husband got to be there to support me to. My grandma is doing ok right night. She is being strong but the loneliness is setting in big time the last couple days. She misses just every noise he would make (cough, bitch, laugh) but I think she will make it.
When I got back life has continued. Still trying to figure out what is wrong with TJ and why he is having the chest pains, but hopefully after some more test we will know. He gets so frustrating at times with his attitude but I love him more than he will ever know.
As for me Im trying to recoop from over doing it bigtime in NY. My leg is feeling better. Im just trying to go on and making sure people know that I love them.

Life of Jessica right now

So it has been been a rough few weeks here for me. As many of you have read, I had a knee reconstruction surgery a few weeks ago and then a whirlwind happened. After I got out of surgery I was fine, but a few hours later I crashed. I became unresponsive and had a really scary experience. All I remember is that I woke up not being able to breathe. As I was laying there drifting in and out of consciousness I remember hearing the nurses and doctors panicking and shaking me trying to wake me up and then I would go black again. I remember seeing my mom and my dad and then I saw Tom's great grandma (who are all dead) and got real scared. It was really bright (kind of like you hear in the stories about the bright light that you follow) and I would come back to hearing the nurses yelling. I kept doing this and it was really scary but then I felt the best thing in the world...Toms hand and heard his voice. I remember hearing him talking to the nurses and he was so calm. I have never heard him like that before. He talked to me and he helped me stay in reality. I truly think if he did not come when he did, I may not be here today blogging. It was the scariest feeling in the world to ever feel like that. So when I came around, I was in CCU on a ventilator to help me breathe and was able to communicate by squeezing Toms hand. It was real nice too because my great friend "T" was there and was a big comfort and support not only to me, but to Tom as well. I know I appreciated all she did for us too. I did get better and was able to finally get out of CCU and into a room where I was able to start moving around (walking to and from the bathroom) and starting to do Physical Therapy. After being in the hospital for almost a week I was finally released and got to go home. It was the best feeling in the world to be at home to see TJ and my puppies and kitties.
So I went to get my staples out of my knee and the incision looks real good. Ive got a couple scabs where the staples had blisters and when the staples came out they popped. Can I just say OUCH...taking out staples hurt!!!! I had 35 staples total. Grrrr.
So Tom had to leave back out and I have grandma Deb here to help me out and to help watch and care for TJ. I am doing PT 2 times a week (and yes they come to my house) and just trying to re coop. I am non weight baring on my leg which means I cant stand on it or drive or anything, but that's only until the end of February. I am able to do some, but get real frustrated because I want to do so much more!!!!
So my new dilemma is that grandma is going back to NY in 10 days and I am really really scared of being here by myself. I'm not sure what we are going to do, but we'll figure it out. I'll be OK.
Tom is in California right now going up to Oregon for tomorrow night. He took such good care of me when he was home and am real glad to have him in my life. I know that if he wasn't there when he was, I really don't think i would be here right now.
TJ has been off school all week. We had some major snow/sleet/ice come down and the roads have not been the best in the world. He is going stir crazy because he is not in a structured routine being off school. He has been a big help for me through all this. He is a real good kid.
So I am tired and am going to take a nap. I was able to get into the Tahoe and go to Walmart today to get a few things and it felt so good, but so tiring at the same time. I will keep you posted on how things are going. I just want you all to know that I love you all and am really glad to have you part of my life. I am so appreciative to all those that have been helpful to me. THANK YOU!!!